Nightlander
by Roqu
Summary: Wolf is an orphaned young tom raised as a Nightlander — the group of rebellious, cold-blooded killers — and he believes in merciless truth, power and pride. But what happens when love and uncertainty blossom when he encounters a young she-cat from an enemy Clan who is surprisingly similar to himself, and suddenly he is left wondering, what truly is the right way to live?
1. Chapter One

**Allegiances - The Nightlanders**

Bone_ (unknown)_ - Unknown

Jay_ (20 moons)_ - Slim light blue-grey she-cat with darker ears and blue eyes

Grizzly _(45 moons)_ - Large, muscular long-haired dark brown tom with a scarred muzzle, huge paws, and orange eyes

Shred _(37 moons)_ - Thin dull grey-brown tom with tabby stripes, a shredded, crooked tail and wary orange-yellow eyes

Red_ (30 moons)_ - Strong dark reddish brown tom with dark paws and bright amber eyes

Storm_ (28 moons)_ - Green-eyed smoky grey tom with patterns around face

Tundra_ (23 moons)_ - Dark golden she-cat with darker splotches, white toes, and dark green eyes

Swift _(19 moons)_ - Silver-and-white tabby she-cat with cold blue eyes

Heather_ (18 moons)_ - Sandy-ginger she-cat with a darker face, darker front paws and back toes

Bandit _(16 moons)_ - Small white tom with black patches, black patterns around eyes, a bushy white tail and yellow eyes

Tiger _(14 moons)_ - Broad-shouldered dark ginger tom with tabby stripes, yellow-green eyes and a scar on left eye

Sting _(12 moons)_ - Striped golden tom with white ears, a white muzzle and white underbelly

Wolf_ (11 moons)_ - Sturdy dark blue-grey tom with a darker overcoat and ears, and bright amber eyes

Sleet _(11 moons)_ - Thin, lithe white tom with light grey flecks, a light grey tail and pale blue eyes

Moth _(10 moons)_ - Tortoiseshell-and-white she-cat with a small, wiry build and light green eyes

Brave _(6 moons)_ - Energetic black tom with icy blue eyes

Zally _(4 moons)_ - Lithe light ginger tabby she-cat with blue-green eyes

Cola_ (3 moons)_ - Cream-colored she-cat with a brown face, brown ears and brown tail

Cinder_ (26 moons)_ - Amber-eyed ash-grey tabby she-cat with no tail

Twig _(19 moons)_ - Gaunt light brown tom with black markings, orange eyes and a missing front leg

* * *

><p><span><strong>Chapter One<strong>  
><strong><em>Wolf<em>**

A cold silvery claw-moon glinted overhead in the inky night like a black cat staring down through slitted eyes. The metallic stench of blood and musty air of rotten corpses should have been normal to us by now. We were racing against ourselves in a bare forest of skeletons.

"Wolf!"

I heard my teammate calling out to me, a shrill screech that seemed to rattle the bone-like branches and send chills down my spine. The word echoed through the dead trees, surrounding me as my paws hit the frozen ground hard with every step I took. A piercing leaf-fall wind slapped against my fur and face as I sprinted as fast as I could, marking the end of this season, marking the end of the fiery colors and the beginning of something much colder. I could hear the wind's moans and groans in the distance while the stars above died away.

"The enemy is heading toward the stream near the border," a steady voice surprisingly close to me suddenly said. I whipped my head around and saw a slightly larger she-cat running beside me, her dark golden pelt splotched with shadows and the dim glow of the moon.

"Got it, Tundra," I breathed back, my words coming out in tired pants, but I tried my best to suppress that exhaustion. True survivors like us don't give up.

"Grizzly is on their trail already. I'm going to round them from the south side," Tundra continued, her warm breath sending small clouds of fog clashing into the frigid air. I realized mine did too.

"Where is Sleet?" I asked, wondering about the fourth cat who came with us, narrowing my eyes as raw adrenaline pumped through my veins. Despite being on the run for who-knows-how-long by now, I suddenly felt lighter, stronger, instead of weighed down by my aching muscles.

I heard Tundra give a quiet scoff. It was hushed, as if she didn't want me to hear, but I caught it.

"Who knows? He disappeared a little while ago, and I haven't seen him since." The splotched golden she-cat leaped forward with a sudden burst of speed and began to outrun me. Her figure started fading into the blackness bit by bit, until even her tail-tip finally vanished.

I saw the stream growing nearer and nearer in the distance, and I knew I was close. The enemies were supposed to be here. But no water, not even ice, glimmered white and silver off the stream's surface, because by now the snaking dip into the earth was completely dry.

_Sleet couldn't kill anyone anyway, _I knew, thinking of the skinny grey-and-white tomcat. He was the same age as me, 11 moons — although most of us didn't bother to keep count — and undoubtedly I was the closest to him out of the whole gang. Even though I knew he trusted us more than anything, that suspicious, wary look in his pale blue eyes could probably never be warm and open again.

At the exact moment I started to slow down and the dry stream grew closer, a shape quickly flew by, just close enough to me to lightly brush my flank as it bolted by in the darkness, and I caught sight of a ginger tabby pelt. Gathering the last of my energy and forcing myself to keep running although everything inside me screamed to stop, I finally saw them. Catching sight of a familiar, large, muscular long-haired tom, I knew that was Grizzly. I could recognize the distinctive, massive-pawed brown cat anywhere. He was one of the best fighters of our gang, and could easily take down even skilled cats with strength alone. Sleet and Tundra, however, were nowhere to be seen.

The enemy Clan's three warriors were scattered along the edge of the stream. Grizzly was cornering a ginger tom, likely the one I saw a few moments ago. A light brown tabby was pacing a bit further down the stream, while a snowy white she-cat stood beside him.

"Wolf, trap those mange-pelts! Don't let them get away!" a low, gruff growl sounded loud and clear. I followed Grizzly's orders and unsheathed my claws, feeling the grip of the earth better as I advanced toward the brown tabby tom and the white she-cat. As my gaze flickered between them and Grizzly one last time, I heard a loud crack that split the air and the temperature seemed to drop all of a sudden. The stench of blood leaked into the night as deep crimson splattered all over the ground, and I knew Grizzly had killed the ginger cat.

The two enemies were a bit bigger, likely older, but that wouldn't stop me. I was one of the younger ones in my gang, yet we were trained and pushed beyond our limits from the very start. We were fighters, we were survivors. We were much stronger and much more skilled than any weak Clan cats who dared call themselves warriors. We weren't blinded by emotions and stories. All we sought was the raw truth, no matter how bloody or gruesome or unfair. That was us. The Nightlanders.

The brown tabby glared down at me as he stepped in front of his Clanmate protectively, his fangs bared in a hateful snarl. I could see his lime-colored eyes blazing with so much anger that it seemed I felt the fire burn into my flesh. The she-cat's sunset-orange eyes had no anger, no revengeful hatred. In fact, they lacked everything I expected. They were so hollow and stretched wide that I almost flinched. It was as if all life had suddenly been drained out, and all that was left was raw, empty shock. Then I realized she was frozen, staring grief-stricken at the bloody, lifeless body of the ginger cat, her Clanmate.

_Was death so surprising to these cats?_ I wondered vaguely with a lingering thought, but before it could grow into something deeper, a paw knocked me to the side and I felt my head slam against the bulging roots of a tree. A few light scratch marks ran across my cheek. I quickly recovered and launched myself at the brown tabby, mentally scolding myself for wasting time with distracting thoughts in battle. This should never happen. Now my goal was to kill them.

The she-cat pounced on top of me and I felt her claws dig into my back, but before any serious damage could be done, I quickly flipped over and slammed her down into the ground with my claws in a skilled movement. The tabby tom charged into my side and bowled me over, as I reluctantly had to release the she-cat and focused on him. He put his weight on me and tried to hold me down, but as he raised a paw ready to attack, I swiftly slid out from under him, hooked a paw around his hind leg and flipped him down. However I soon realized he was faster than I thought. He recovered and stood up again quite quickly too, his flaming green eyes still locked on me. I heard the heavy, low thump of big paws thudding against the earth, and I clenched my teeth as the massive dark brown tom neared.

"Grizzly, hold down the tom," I yowled over to him while dodging an attack. "I'll take care of the other one."

Grizzly sent me a gruff snort-like sound, the stubborn noise of his approval as he caught the tom's head with one of his large paws and slammed his skull into the ground. I tried to find Sleet and Tundra, but the two still haven't arrived. I figured Tundra was farther down the line following the stream, but I haven't seen Sleet even once.

It was only me against the she-cat now. I eyed her as she stood about a fox-length away. Her ears were flattened, her white fur was fluffed up to make her look bigger than she actually was, and her fangs were bared in a snarl. But enduring so many ages of lying and being lied to, we could detect lies and see through masks as easily as we could breathe. I felt her fear give off strongly like the darkness that pulsed through the sky.

"Why…" the she-cat started in a hushed, cracking voice, and I narrowed my eyes warily, flexing my claws. She cleared her throat and began in a stronger voice, "Why do you insist on attacking us?"

I almost scoffed aloud and I pressed my claws deeper into the cold, hard ground to suppress my urge to end her right then, uninterested in what she had to say. "Why? Because you trespassed. We don't like strangers on our turf."

I could tell that answer was hardly enough, but I wouldn't waste time with a conversation at a time like this. I scowled to myself, itching to finish this.

"You cats — the ones who call yourselves Nightlanders — have been terrorizing us, attacking us for as long as I can remember," she continued, her voice flat. She spat out the word "Nightlanders" like it was poison on her tongue. She was staring at the ground and made no move or even sign of considering to lunge herself at me. I flexed my claws and kept my guard up.

"You'll trespass onto our land and steal everything we have, harm and even kill our cats when we did nothing to you, and for what reason?" By now her eyes were no longer emotionless. They were blazing and furious, and I thought I saw the glint of tears lining her fiery orbs. "For your own plain amusement," she hissed out, colder than ice.

I felt the heat rising inside me, and all I wanted to do was end her life. "You are the ones who are weak!" I yowled out, voice rising unintentionally with the anger that was building up.

The she-cat didn't even flinch and straightened up a bit. "No, you are the weak ones. You'll never understand what it means to have family, what it means to truly be alive. All Nightlanders are, are emotionless, cold-blooded walking skeletons."

I lashed my tail. "Don't you dare take the name of Nightlanders in vain!"

At that, I launched myself at her, paws outstretched and claws unsheathed. I bowled her over and without hesitating, dug my claws into her flank, feeling the blood leak out slowly, staining the dry leaves underneath us scarlet. She hissed and squirmed beneath me, flailing and struggling to get out of my grip until her claws lashed me across the face and ears. It was nothing serious, didn't even make me wince. If this was what so many moons of training and fighting had taught them, they weren't even worthy of fighting against a rat.

I pressed her down deeper into the ground, one paw against her throat. I could feel her suffocating beneath me, gasping for the air that wouldn't come.

_I'm going to kill her. I'm going to kill her. _

But despite everything I've learned, everything I've seen, I knew this was going to be my first kill. I had experience in battling, I knew how to strike the best moves for the most damage, and I knew how to lash back even when cornered or held down. But I've never actually taken a cat's life.

I didn't care, though. With one last frustrated yowl, I raised a paw and slashed down on her face with sharpened claws as hard as I could. Tufts of white fur drifted down and adorned the dull pebbles and dry leaves on the ground. Crimson slowly seeped into the earth and made it a much darker color. The fun was over. I aimed at her throat.

But I didn't get to finish what I started.

Something suddenly lunged into my side and I felt my back collide with a large boulder that jutted out of the ground. I rolled over and sprang up, scowling in fury when I realized with a start that the she-cat was gone by the time I had stood up. Her ghostly white figure against the pale mist and coal-black night vanished in a staggering jog. All that was left was a snaking line of scarlet brushed against the dirt.

I spun around, expecting to see the light brown tom, that no-good Clanmate of hers, risking his life to protect her. But that wasn't it. Hunched over a few tail-lengths away, pale blue eyes staring at the ground with guilt and some emotion I couldn't place, and blood streaking his specked pelt, was Sleet.

My eyes grew wide.

"Sleet…" I stepped forward cautiously. The thin tomcat didn't look up. "Sleet, how could you?"

My only answer was the bone-chilling wind against the last leaves of leaf-fall.

"I was so close!" I didn't realize my voice was rising in frustration by now, and everything escalated. I wasn't usually like this. But somehow all my anger had built up and I couldn't control what spurted out of my mouth. "That was going to be my first kill! Do you know how important our pride and power is to us, as Nightlanders? No, of course you don't. You'll never truly be one of us. A soft-hearted weakling like you shouldn't even be here!"

The air suddenly grew deathly silent, and I felt like I'd just been clawed in the face. A wave of remorse flooded over me. I stared at Sleet, who was trembling a bit now. The small tom clenched his teeth.

"No, Sleet, I didn't mean to." I sighed and shut my eyes, stepping a bit closer. My voice dropped into a hushed tone. "You know I didn't mean to."

Sleet forced a small, crooked smile and shuffled his paws. I knew that smile wasn't genuine. "That's fine. It was my fault, after all."

I took a deep breath and forced all the anger out of my body. It seemed as if all the negative emotions swirled away in a mist, and all that was left inside of me was peaceful, calm coldness. Everything was too quiet. I stepped closer to Sleet and glanced at him. I just noticed a long, thin scar trailing from his lower neck to his shoulder. It must've been new.

"You still can't," I stated simply, but I was sure he knew what I meant. I saw him narrow his eyes, and his light blue orbs darkened. "You still can't kill, can you?"

There was no answer. Perhaps I was a bit too straightforward or harsh to my friend, but we were raised like that. It was a habit. We didn't sugarcoat things we said. And Sleet still wasn't completely one of us, no matter how hard either of us tried to deny it.

All of a sudden, the sound of bones cracking and bodies slamming registered to us and drifted through the air like a chilling haze. I pricked my ears and waited. Beside me, Sleet was still looking down, becoming tense. A blood-curdling shriek ensued.

"He's dead. That enemy tom, he's dead," Sleet muttered, slowly standing up. I nodded numbly and suddenly felt a bit of a throbbing sting in my right ear. There must've been a nick from the fight.

The first light of dawn seeped into the sky and trickled down, a pinkish-orange glow tinted violet, and I noticed the clouds again. They were a dim golden. It was perhaps the first time I really noticed the sunrise. Sleet held his head higher as the colors reflected into his eyes. His breaths relaxed, and I may not have admitted it, but mine did as well. I let go of all the burdens for just one heartbeat, because I trusted Grizzly and Tundra and I knew they were going to be okay.

I shook off any lingering feelings or thoughts I had and grinned down at Sleet, helping him up as, behind us, the sun started igniting a brilliant sky.

"Come on, let's go back home."


	2. Chapter Two

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* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter Two<br>_Sleet_**

The walk back was surprisingly peaceful and calm, but there was nothing that could stop the thoughts that hung over my head like blurry question marks.

I took in a shaky breath and released it steadily, then looked over at the dark blue-grey tom padding alongside me. His amber eyes held the same strong, determined look I had remembered seeing since when we were only kits, but something felt different.

I relished the sound of the dry fallen leaves crinkling under my steps. They disintegrated into tiny, fragile pieces like ice shattering. We kept walking. The bare trees loomed overhead while the long shadows caused by the sun rising behind us stretched further and further, staining our pelts and the ground with lines of dark and light. But no matter how bright the sunlight was, no matter how warm the golden rays glowed in the cerulean sky, there was an unexplainable darkness surrounding here, shrouding our land. Even if it were greenleaf, it would be cold. Even if it were daytime, it would be dark. The earth would always be so lifeless, the sky so grey and dim, the trees bare and dead. It was as if we were drenched in a cold, life-sapping grey veil, one we knew all too well. We questioned ourselves sometimes, but being so stubborn, so prideful, questions never took us anywhere.

We were bathed in these shadows that we couldn't lose sight of. We lived in what others called the Nightlands, and that was where we got our name.

"BrightClan lost two warriors," I murmured under my breath as our camp grew nearer and nearer in the distance, but the carefully placed branches and dens were still only a tiny speck. BrightClan was the one Clan residing near us, the ones being taught about light and love and family and what's right and wrong. We always assumed those voices in our heads was right. We didn't question anything.

Beside me, Wolf didn't nod, only answered grimly, "Almost three."

My mouth shifted into a tight, straight line as I tried not to think about what happened. _Almost three. Almost._

"Why do we hate each other?" I broke the short-lived silence that was just a bit too uncomfortable. Wolf glanced over at me and narrowed his yellow eyes. I quickly shook my head, thinking he had taken it the wrong way. "Us Nightlanders and BrightClan, I mean."

"Haven't we been taught this before?" the dark blue-grey tom asked without taking his eyes off the path ahead.

"No, I haven't," I spoke softly. "I joined later than you. The older cats never told me about the history between Nightlanders and BrightClan." A dull reddish-brown leaf slowly drifted down to the ground, making the branches seem skinnier and barer than they already were. "I never decided to question it until now." Serious questions were rarely asked here, so any wonder or mystique seemed to disappear.

Wolf's thick tail swished from side to side as he walked, thinking, staring into the pale grey sky that was becoming brighter and brighter.

"We weren't always called Nightlanders," Wolf started explaining, and we both slowed our paces. I watched the trees go by while still listening intently to him. "Seasons back, many, many moons before I was even born, we were BoneClan, named after our leader Bone."

"Bone…" I murmured quietly. "I've never seen him."

"Almost none of us have, not even the older cats like Grizzly or Shred," Wolf said in a tone like it was very obvious. "Yet it was said that he created what we are today. They all said he was a magnificent leader and fighter, brave and strong and clever. He's extremely respected throughout all of us."

"Where is he now? I-Is he dead?" I asked in an almost inaudible voice.

"I'm not sure. All these seasons passed and he never gave us a clue," Wolf continued. "There are rumors that Jay is Bone's daughter, but no one ever confirmed it, and Jay won't tell us anything either." He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye.

I stared down and shifted my weight from side to side. "Perhaps she doesn't know." Jay was our second-in-command, similar to what the Clans would call a deputy, but since Bone was marked either missing or dead to most of us, we treated her like a leader as well. She was fairly young, a few moons older than me, but well respected enough. She was quite clever and charming on the outside, but I knew she was also a great liar, like most of us. Wolf knew I had a special fondness for the silvery blue she-cat. In my eyes, she was one of the only Nightlanders who had some sense, who didn't just care about blood and power and killing to win. In a way, Wolf was like that too, but he'd been raised in the Nightlands so long that he never questioned their methods anymore. I was still different, and I was taught that was wrong.

"There used to be another Clan living with us. At first everything was fine, but soon cats started fighting for more territory and food and control. The weaker ones died out, like they should." I couldn't help but wince a bit at his last sentence. "We started getting meaner and colder, and we became enemies against one another. There was a big battle, and the third Clan was wiped out completely. BoneClan became more powerful, we became merciless, powerful fighters, and BrightClan believed that was wrong." I heard him curse angrily under his breath. "We were banished and pushed into the darkness and named Nightlanders, treated like outcasts and rogues. We weren't an official Clan anymore, and our numbers died out. But we survived. We survived because we were strong."

I nodded as he came to a finish, but I didn't mean the nod. Maybe we were wrong, but I could never say that aloud. We learned not to question old methods, not to go against ourselves, and never to doubt. We'd get punished hard if we did.

"And Bone?" I pressed, seeing the camp up ahead, only a few fox-lengths away. Some cats were hurrying back and forth, some resting, and others were out beyond the camp, likely to train. Training and fighting was all they ever did.

"Bone vanished right after the battle. No one knows where he is or why he just left, not even if he's still alive or not," Wolf came to a conclusion as we both halted at the entrance to our camp — hidden by branches and boulders and brambles. He turned and smiled at me. "But we can make it on our own, right?"

I tried to shake off the hesitation and smiled back. "Right." But I wasn't so certain.

We stepped carefully through the brambles and entered the camp. The narrow passageway was only one of the two entrances or exits to the Nightlanders' main camp. Inside, it was quite spacious and held a lot of room. Tall trees loomed over, some bending, giving the whole area a more secretive and hidden feeling. A tall boulder that jutted out of the earth marked the place where the leader or second-in-command would give important orders or speeches. The sleeping dens, lined around the edges of the camp, were either roomy underground dens or shelters created by branches, moss and mud, although many of the cats just decided to sleep in whatever place they could find, whether it was inside the camp or not. Unlike BrightClan, we were often very loose on rules. Aside from on fighting and skill, there were hardly any laws or codes. Most of the Nightlanders were naturally rebellious.

Wolf was looking around. Cats were already hurrying at the break of dawn. Some of us preferred to hunt in the daytime, some in the night. I spotted a splotched golden pelt among the cats. So Tundra had returned before us. She was sitting, leaning against a tree while grooming herself. I figured Grizzly was probably around here as well, but right now I didn't really want to face the large, intimidating brown tomcat. My eyes grew wide as the ear-piercing screeches and screams rang back into my head, and I could only suppress a shudder. It was a wonder how they could take cats' lives without even thinking twice.

We survive because we're powerful, they would say. Because we're not afraid, because we're strong and ruthless. The weak and the ones blinded by feelings will die.

I was still scared of many cats here, but I couldn't show it. Fear was to be punished for, and all I could do was force myself onto these sayings no matter how it would change me in the end. I knew I was hesitant. I knew, in a twisted, strange way, that it wasn't right, even though I even doubted myself when I thought that. But to survive here, that's what it would take.

Wolf yawned, stretching his jaws wide. He lazily pawed at his ear with a paw and flicked it, and I noticed a new nick in his ear, probably one he got from the fight. That reminded me to apply some herbs to the new scar across my shoulder, just in case of an infection since it was still stinging a bit, but I'd likely need to hide while doing that. Things like that were considered weak here. Scars and nicks made you look tougher, more experienced, and a lot of young cats would wear their first scars from battles proudly. We were taught to stand up immediately after we fall down and shake injuries off. Anything less and you'd be treated like a weakling. Even kits as young as a moon were being taught how to fight and survive, what it means to be a Nightlander. I suddenly realized cats born as Nightlanders would never truly be able to just play around and relax.

"I'm going to go grab myself a meal. All the fighting sure tired me out," Wolf interrupted my thoughts, grinning as he thought of getting food. He started padding away and shot a last glance at me over his shoulder. "You should report to Jay and inform her what happened, Sleet."

I took in a hesitant breath and nodded. "Got it."

As the young tom's figure faded away into the dark trees at last, I looked at the camp and cats. For a few moments, right now, if it were from a stranger's point of view, we really didn't look like ruthless killing monsters. We didn't look like the bloodthirsty creatures we were known to be. We all just looked like friends. Like family.

I clenched my teeth and shook my head to myself. _Get a hold of yourself, Sleet. Don't mention that word here. You know that's not true._

Grizzly was standing proudly over by a den, wolfing down at least three squirrels. Red, the stocky dark reddish tom, was giving out orders. He was a courageous and respected cat, and was often seen directing cats around or training younger Nightlanders. Heather was grooming herself again, making sure her silky sandy-ginger pelt was as smooth as could be. She spent most of the day perfecting her appearance like always. By a large den stood Tiger, the boastful young tabby tom who, as I guessed, was bragging about something he did with his chest puffed out. Sting stood beside Tiger, cracking grim, unfunny "jokes" like his usual bitterly comedic self to the three youngest kits among us — Brave, Zally, and Cola. Zally and Cola were both born Nightlanders, but I knew Brave wasn't. He was a supposed abandoned kit that was brought to the Nightlands. That happened sometimes. Loners who were worthy of joining could become one of us, or kits so young that they couldn't remember their past life were taught our ways. Wolf was one of those kits. He was orphaned. He had another life once, but he often denied it and confidently declared that he was born a Nightlander. I sometimes found myself wondering if he'd be happier living his past life instead of this one, though. I sometimes found myself wondering if I'd be happier that way.

Jay was lying beside the entrance of her den. I spotted her immediately. The second-in-command's den was beside the leader's den. The leader's den was the roomiest and cosiest, in the best spot as well, since authority mattered a lot, but Jay still stuck to her own den out of respect for Bone, and no one stepped in the eerily empty leader's den.

I trotted over to the silvery blue she-cat and immediately dipped my head as a sign of respect after I got her attention. When speaking to a cat in a higher rank than you, respect was necessary, but I would've given her all the respect I had even if it wasn't for the rules. Sometimes Wolf would tease me saying I was too obsessed with her, but I'd deny it every time. I wasn't. I simply saw her as someone admirable. There was nothing wrong with that. And Wolf would always end it with, "I know, I was just joking." We couldn't let emotions get in the way of who we were, so many cats were all sunken and devoid of feelings. So emotionless sometimes, that it scared me.

"Sleet reporting to Jay, I need to inform you of what happened during the fight," I started with my head still down, using the same monotone voice every cat spoke with when reporting incidents to a higher rank. The cold, dry tone slipped out of my mouth before I even knew what was happening. Sometimes it chilled me.

Jay immediately stood up too, and I could feel her deep blue eyes gazing somewhere else. I shifted nervously as I waited for answer, which finally came after a long few moments.

"A small brawl with BrightClan," she spoke in that same silky smooth tone, turning to look into my eyes as I glanced up, "right?"

I nodded quickly, trying to hold my confident look. "Yes. It was four versus three, Wolf, Grizzly, Tundra and me against three of their warriors. None of us were badly injured, and we managed to k-kill two of their cats." I winced as I stuttered, scolding myself mentally. Jay didn't seem to notice or mind.

She twitched her ear as she made a soft humming sound, then mewed in that calm voice, "Did you catch their names?"

"I think I did recognize two of the warriors," I answered, trying my best to remember. "The two toms who died were Birchface and Flameclaw. The last one — a white she-cat — escaped."

The second-in-command nodded slowly and took a step closer. My breath caught in my throat as her eyes suddenly had a flicker of something I couldn't place. She stayed silent and I expected to be dismissed, but one question caught me off guard.

"Did you kill them?"

I froze. "I…" I didn't. What did I do? _Nothing_, I thought with a flicker of guilt. Tundra rounded the enemies, Grizzly killed two of them, Wolf injured another one and would've killed her if it wasn't for me. I did nothing at all, except…

_I had protected the enemy_, I realized with a bitter clench of my teeth. _I'm a coward. I've always been weak that way._

I stared down at the ground and the sky around me seemed even darker. "No." I could not lie, not to anyone and especially not to her.

"Alright, you may go now." Jay gave a small smile to me and flicked her tail in dismissal. "Thank you, Sleet."

I forced a grim smile back and nodded. "You're very welcome."

For the first time in a long while, the clouds overhead were clearing and the entire camp didn't seem so dim, so covered and hidden anymore. But that stabbing guilt and anger at myself wouldn't leave, no matter what I focused on. The words almost seemed surreal as I repeated them in my head.

_I protected the enemy._

My paws dragged me to the pile of prey almost subconsciously. If I told anyone other than Wolf what I had done, I would get beat up so hard I wouldn't be able to walk anymore, I would get humiliated for all the time I'd live here. Yes, we Nightlanders were loose on a lot of rules. We had a lot of freedom compared to other feral groups. We could go where we wanted, when we wanted, and do almost anything we like. But loyalty and dedication to the gang was something we took extremely seriously. No mercy for the enemy. Kill them without hesitation if needed to… or wanted to.

Maybe I'd even become a slave.

Wolf was crouched by the prey pile, finishing the last morsel of a plump rat. I padded closer and saw a frail, skinny brown tom limp to the prey with his missing front leg and timidly pick the smallest bird out of the pile and quickly staggered back off. Wolf gave him a sharp glance, then noticed me walking up behind him. His yellow eyes suddenly sparked with more energy and he grinned at me, a completely different reaction within heartbeats.

"So how'd it go? Did you tell her?" the tom asked while wiping his mouth on his paw distractedly. "What'd she say?"

"I did. She didn't say much, just asked who the enemies were and sent me off," I replied softly, sitting down and dragging a mouse out of the pile. That was partly true. I leant down and took a bite from the prey, but truthfully, I didn't feel hungry at all.

"That brown tomcat that just passed by," I continued cautiously when Wolf didn't talk. He looked at me. "He was one of the slave-cats, right?"

Wolf nodded casually. "Yeah, his name is Twig. He's one of the two slaves here." He said it like it was nothing. Slaves were the absolute lowest in rank and had no respect from anyone. They had no proper den, not enough food, and no choices. Their life was hanging by a thin string everyday. I didn't see them often, but when I did, I wanted to pity them. I felt truly sad for them. They couldn't run away either. But they'd glare at me with such contempt it made me flinch.

I stared down at my mouse with a dry expression and stood.

"You can have the rest, Wolf," I meowed tiredly. "I'm not hungry."

I didn't even wait for a reply from my friend as I trotted off hurriedly. I didn't care about the soft, pale sunshine that leaked through the dead branches and dappled my pelt. I didn't stop and realize how pretty the light and birdsong was, on the rare occasions where I would see and hear those things. All I could think about was that cold, dead midnight just a while ago (it seemed like so long), the chilling, hollow stare of that she-cat as she fled into the endless night. The shrieks of fallen warriors and deathly silence that ensued. Everything was blurry but all too clear at the same time.

She had escaped because of me.

I didn't know much at that point. But I was sure of one thing: I had started something that night, and one day I needed to finish it.


End file.
